You're Missing From Our Lives
by WoofumsPup
Summary: Nicol x oc. The prequel to Happy New Year My Love. After Nicol's death everyone begins to grieve in different ways. Minor cursing.


Disclaimer: Gundam Seed Dialog and Gundam Seed © Mitsuo Fukuda Amarante Haruka Takahashi © Kurenai-Yuhi Sensei

You're Missing from Our Life  
the prequel to Happy New Year, My Love.

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Athrun watched helplessly as his best friend Nicol blew up in front of him. _It should have been me; it wasn't Nicol's time to die _Athrun thought as the rest of the team retreated to the ship. Once the Aegis was inside the ship, Athrun stumbled out of the cockpit looking for the Blitz. _Where are you, Nicol, you can't be dead, _Athrun thought as he waited for his black mobile suit to appear. It never did, Athrun continue to stumble to the changing room.

The three got dressed in silence except Yzak who was punching, Kicking and swearing at Nicol's locker. The locker creaked open revealing the lifeless uniform.

"Yzak," Dearka said walking over to him.

"Why did he have to die like that and why out here, well?!" Yzak demanded before looking back at Athrun. Athrun pushed Yzak against an unopened locker harshly.

"Why don't you just say it, Yzak?! It was my fault. He only died because he was only trying to protect me!" Athrun yelled in his face.

"Athrun, You too Yzak! Fighting each other won't help us one bit" Dearka said alarmed pulling them apart, "remember the Strike is our real enemy."

"I know that obliviously! HE was the one who killed Miguel _and _he was the one who gave me this scar. Next time we meet, I'll get him!" Yzak yelled before running out of the room.

"YZAK!" Dearka yelled running out after him. Athrun closed his eyes trying to stop himself from crying. He opened his eyes walking to Nicol's locker opening it complete. Athrun pulled the uniform of the hangar. Athrun took notice of the paper that spilled out from Nicol's uniform. Upon closer inspection it was a piano score. Athrun began to recall the times he shared with his now deceased friend Nicol. Athrun hugged the uniform before hitting the overhead locker that was used to hold the flight suit helmet.

"Damn-it, it should have been me. I should have been the one to die. Not him, Nicol," Athrun said his voice quivering with tears. He thought of Nicol's last moment as Nicol saved him.

"It's all because, I was too weak to kill Kira in the past," Athrun said as he hit the top locker again, "It was my weakness that killed you!" Athrun sat on the ground as he thoughts of Commander Le Creuset words about the Strike, _It was the Strike, which is it? Will you shoot it down or will you be shot down?_ Athrun looked at the score that sat on the ground.

"I'll kill you," Athrun said angrily holding the uniform close, "the next time we meet."

---

_"Nicol, you're here! I thought you were never going to make it!" Amarante told him giving him a hug. Nicol smiled at her, kissing her nose._

_"I was going to surprise you, but you were at the door," he whispered in her ear._

_"Your parents will be happy too," she said taking his hand. He chuckled softly before picking Amarante up. She laughed happily, they were in a war but that was the last thing on their minds. People gathered around them to see who was making all of the noise._

_"Amarante, can I ask you one thing?" Nicol asked._

_"Sure," Amarante said happily in the arms of her fiancée._

_"Why are you fighting in this war? You should start your singing career," Nicol said carrying her to a quiet room._

_"Put me down first," Amarante said opening the door as Nicol placed her on the soft carpet. There was nothing in the room so Nicol joined her on the floor._

_"Now why did you join the battle?" Nicol asked._

_"Junius 7 made me join. I was so angry at the naturals; I felt like I need to get back at them, I felt like I had to serve Z.A.F.T. I still fell that way but it's not as bad. Yet when I joined my services they put me in as an Earth Alliance Mobius Zero pilot. I really just wanted to be a mobile suit pilot for Z.A.F.T." Amarante reasoned._

_"Can you make me one promise?" Nicol asked seriously taking her hands gently._

_"Tell me first and I MIGHT be able to promise you," Amarante said looking down._

_"One we are married, can you resign from the military? Can you PLEASE promise me?" He asked pushing her head up so he can look her in the eyes._

_"I don't know, I want to promise you but if there was another large conflict I would want to fight for Z.A.F.T." Amarante said looking down._

_"For now can you promise me?" Nicol asked pulling Amarante closed to him._

_"Yes, I will promise you but can you promise me something?" Amarante asked._

_"I'll leave the military as well but like you said if there is another large conflict I'll rejoin as well," Nicol said hugging his future wife. Amarante closed her eyes before kissing Nicol's lips softly. Yet, something didn't feel right. His lips were cold and Nicol seemed lifeless. She pulled away from him seeing that his body was blue and his eyes were glassy. Amarante began to panic._

_"Nicol," she asked as tears flooded her eyes. He didn't respond causing Amarante to cry over his body. She tried to perform CPR on him but something pulled her away. She struggled to get closer but nothing helped. The force was to great and it caused her pain._

"DON'T GO NICOL!" Amarante screamed sitting up quickly in her bed. She panted touching her face, that was wet with tears. "It was only a bad dream," She told herself, "But something doesn't feel right." She looked around her room nothing was out of order. The tears continue to fall from her eyes. "Why am I crying?" she asked herself. Someone was knocking on her door.

"Are you okay ma'am?" the person asked. Amarante got out of the bed walking over to the door to open it. She dried the tears on her face opening the door revealing a soldier.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You're going to be on a special assignment and the Chairman wants to speak to you about in person," The soldier told her giving her the papers.

"Thank you for bringing them to me," Amarante said before closing the door. She went to her desk turning on the light going through the papers. They didn't give much information, only that she was going to see the Chairman.

"I wish Nicol was on this assignment with me," she said aloud climbing into her bed. She sighed remembering that the light was on she sat up again getting out of the bed. The locket Nicol gave fell off the bed. When it hit the ground, it broke. The side that had Nicol's picture slid out of view. She began to search for it on the ground, it was nowhere to be found.

"Oh! Where is it?!" Amarante said feeling around for the lost part of the necklace. _Something bad must have happened to Nicol _Amarante thought. She felt tears fall from her eyes as she curled into a ball on the floor. _What could have happened to Nicol _Amarante thought trying to stop herself from crying loudly. She saw something shiny on the other side of the room. She stood up quickly racing to that spot to find the missing piece but the picture was bent at Nicol's torso. She picked up the locket half placing it at her heart. She took the over part conjoining them quickly but they didn't stay together for long. The tears in her eyes became heavier as she turned off the light. She laid in the bed holding the locket pieces closer to her racing heart. She fell asleep soon after with the tears still falling from her eyes. Her dreams were filled with Nicol but always in the end he died or she found him dead.

---

Athrun arrived at the plants wondering why they were in such a state of panic. He asked Commander Yuki and he told him the situation. He also told him about Lacus Clyne committing treason. Athrun dropped his luggage wondering why Lacus, his Lacus, would do such a thing. His thoughts were interrupted when a certain red and pink haired young woman came into view, Nicol's fiancée, Amarante. Her hand was covering her mouth as she was informed about the failure of Operation Spitbreak.

"Are you Mare Mare or Mara Mara?" He asked.

"It's Mare Mare, I still can't believe you still use that nickname," Amarante said turning around.

"Dearka, Yzak a-and Nicol still use it," Athrun said weakly.

"How is Nicol, by the way?" Amarante asked with a cheerful smile. Athrun's smile faded as he took Amarante's hand leading her away from the crowd of people.

"Where are you taking me?" She asked worriedly. Athrun took her outside to a quiet place sitting her down.

"I'm really sorry. It should have been me," Athrun said giving Amarante a hug.

"Athrun, what are you talking about?" Amarante asked with a sick feeling in her stomach.

"Nicol died trying to protect me," Athrun said with tears coming out of his eyes.

"Nicol's…dead?" Amarante asked weakly her body shook violently.

"It was my weakness that killed Nicol. If I was stronger he would he survived," Athrun hugging Amarante tightly.

"No! You're wrong! Nicol promised he was going to marry me!" Amarante said pushing away from Athrun. Tears fell from Athrun's eyes as he tried to stop himself from crying.

"Amarante please understand this, Nicol's dead," Athrun said hugging Amarante again for his own comfort.

"No! Nicol promised me! He promised that he was going to marry me right after the war!" Amarante said pushing away from Athrun again. Amarante felt tears flood her eyes as Athrun stared at her helplessly.

"I'm sorry Amarante. I should have been the one to die," Athrun said hugging Amarante again.

"Nicol promised me," she said weakly.

"And it's my fault for breaking his promise to you," Athrun said releasing the dazed girl. Amarante fell to the ground weakly staring at the sky.

"We were suppose to get married, Nicol and I. We wanted to have children, Nicol and I," Amarante said in her daze. The tears in her eyes continued to fall with out stop.

"I never wanted to hurt you Amarante," Athrun said giving Amarante a kiss on the cheek. Amarante snapped out of her daze before she hugged Athrun tightly.

"I'm so sorry Athrun," Amarante cried. Athrun felt an enormous amount of comfort from being with Amarante. He felt like Amarante was his little sister that needed more comfort than he did.

"We'll get through this, Mare Mare, Nicol would want us to do that," Athrun said drying her tears with his hand. Amarante nodded but the tears still fell out of her eyes.

"No Nicol wants us to move on but not forget about him," Amarante said wiping the tears away on her older brother.

---

"Where am I," Nicol asked. His head was pounding, and his body ached.

"I see you're awake," a female voice told him.

"Amarante?" Nicol asked weakly.

"No. my name is Aiko," the woman said, "Who is Amarante?"

"Amarante is my fiancée," Nicol said trying to see what was around him. Everything was pitch black to him. _So he's engaged? I was going to hit on him, _Aiko thought.

"You're probably wondering why everything is dark," Aiko giggled, "You needed a small amount of eye surgery due to the bright lights you were subjected to."

"When will I get to see my fiancée?" Nicol asked thinking of his probably frighten Amarante.

"I was hoping that you were going to stay here with me. Why don't you forget about your fiancée?" Aiko asked selfishly.

"Forget about my future wife? Are you crazy?! I'm not staying here, once I get better I'm going to find my fiancée Amarante. The most beautiful woman in the world," Nicol said trying to sit up.

"Don't sit up so quickly! You're still pretty weak" Aiko said pushing Nicol back down in the bed.

"In the last battle, did I die?" Nicol asked trying to move his arms or legs but they were strapped down.

"No you didn't, we made it look like you did. The Strike's Schwert Gewehr actually cut a little low," Aiko said sitting next to Nicol. She placed a hand on his forehead but he turned away.

"Does everyone thing I'm dead?" Nicol asked thinking of everyone he knew.

"Yes, So that's why you need to stay," Aiko said selfishly.

"No, you don't understand. I made my fiancée a promise. I promised her that I would marry her at the end of the war!" Nicol said struggling to get out of the restraints that were holding him to the bed.

"Will you forget about her?!" Aiko said running out of the room.

"No, I won't forget about her. My one and only love, no matter how much you try to make me love you," Nicol said making fists with his hands.

---

Athrun sat next to Amarante during Nicol's funeral. She seemed different more reserved than normal. She had dark spots under her eyes and it seemed like she had just stop crying. She leaned up against Athrun weakly who put his arm around her.

"I'll protect you, Mare Mare-chan," Athrun whispered in her ear. She nodded weakly trying to snuggle closer to Athrun. Athrun looked at Nicol's parents. His mother was crying softly and his father was consoling her. He looked at the other people around him that were crying or sad and some were sobbing loudly. _I thought Amarante would be sobbing loudly but she's so reserved it's unlike her, _Athrun thought rubbing Amarante's shoulder. Amarante looked up at the pictures of Nicol before her eyes began to water. She hugged Athrun trying to stop herself from crying.

"I don't want to cry," she whispered weakly. Athrun rubbed her shoulder more holding her closer to him.

"It's okay to cry, Amarante," Athrun whispered to her. She shook her head feeling the tears fall out of her eyes.

"I want to be strong for Nicol and not cry," Amarante whispered weakly. Athrun helped Amarante stand up.

"Excuse me, but I want to read something that Nicol wrote to everyone," Athrun said helping Amarante to the front of the room. He took out the piano score that fell out of Nicol's uniform. "Nicol would probably kill me if he was here today," Athrun chuckled weakly. He turned the first page to the back where there was a letter.

"This is what Nicol wrote to his fiancée:

_Dear Amarante Haruka Takahashi,_

_I wish that you are well. I heard you were transferred to Orb. I hope that I'll get to speak to you soon. I want to perform this for you at our wedding but I also want you to sing along with me. I know it might be hard to write lyrics to my music. I always long to hold you when you're away and when you're here I wish that I'm helpful to you. Once were married I want to perform a full concert for you because I know you would do that for me. Amarante I wish for your happiness and for your love. I know that this war is hard on you and me but if we have faith in ourselves we can get through it. Pin, I'm thankful that we're together. Our parents made a good choice in putting us together. I know I bullied you when we were little, but I hope you forget about that. Pin, haha, Do you remember how you got that name? How I used to call you My Little Piano because you loved to be near it when we were little. My Mother overheard me calling you that. She teases me all the time about it. It's so embarrassing but you always laughed. You loved it when I was teased, and I loved it when you were teased. You blush so much when you're embarrassed. It makes you look so much cuter. Not saying that you aren't cute, you're the hottest girl I know. I know Athrun would say that Lacus is the hotter girl but Amarante is the Athrun. You know what I take that back Lacus is hotter than Amarante but Amarante is sexier than Lacus. I know you're probably wondering why I put that in this letter Pin, because I know you would tell Athrun about what I said. I do love you my little Pinny Pin and I anxiously await our wedding. I hope you don't faint. You've been prone to fainting at events like this. I know you probably want to kill me right now but I know you won't. I still want to hold you in my arms to wrap my arms around your waist tickling you softly before giving you a kiss. You would blush and I would smile. I love you Amarante Haruka, I want you to know that. I wish for your safety. I love you so much Amarante Haruka._

_Your ever loving fiancée,_

_Nicol Amalfi_"

Athrun finished reading Nicol's long letter. Amarante covered her mouth trembling. More tears fell out of her eyes as well as Athrun's. Amarante ran out of the room sobbing.

"Amare!" Athrun said chasing after her dropping the piano score. She ran quickly trying to get out of this place of sadness.

"Go away!" Amarante cried opening the door to the outside. She ran outside into the pouring rain.

"Amarante please stop running!" Athrun yelled following her into the rain. Amarante ran as far as she could until she tripped in the parking lot. Athrun stood above her. Amarante cried on the ground. Athrun crouched down with her but she pushed him away.

"No! Go away!" Amarante yelled at Athrun trying to run away again.

"Please don't go!" Athrun's voice quivered. He grabbed her arm pulling her close. Athrun cried on her shoulder as she struggled to get away from him.

"Nicol's never going to come back! Never!" Amarante yelled. Athrun tried to calm Amarante down.

"Amarante please calm down," Athrun asked her as he pulled her out of the parking lot.

"Let go of me!" Amarante shrieked.

"Amarante, just stop it! Do you think Nicol would want you shrieking like this? Do you think he'd want you yelling and scream? No he wouldn't! He wants you to move on but not forget, right? You told me that!" Athrun said shaking the crying girl. Amarante fell to the ground sobbing.

"Nicol, why did you have to go? Why?" Amarante sobbed. Athrun kissed Amarante's forehead before gently hugging her.

"You're like my little sister, did you know that? I don't want to see one of my little sisters upset," Athrun told her. He rocked her gently picking her up. He saw a tree that was close by that could shelter them from the rain. He carried the crying girl to the tree before sitting underneath it. They sat in silence as they listened to the rain. Eventually Amarante cried herself to sleep. Athrun looked into the sky rocking the now asleep Amarante. Someone was walking to the tree. Athrun looked up to see Nicol father Mr. Amalfi.

"It's cold out here and you two are all wet. It's time to go now," he said. Athrun didn't want to wake Amarante so he picked her up gently. Mr. Amalfi shielded them from the rain with his umbrella.

"I'm going to take her to my home if that's okay with you. She lives near by anyways," Athrun said walking away from Mr. Amalfi and his umbrella.

"Why don't you two come home with us?" Mr. Amalfi asked him.

"No, I need to change my clothes and I don't want Amarante to catch a cold. Why don't we come over later?" Athrun asked.

"That's a good idea. I don't want you two to get sick _and _I don't want to loose either of you," Mr. Amalfi said weakly. Athrun unlocked his car before going to the passenger side. He opened the light door placing the sleeping girl in the seat.

"Athrun?" she asked sleepily. Her eyes opened slowly before closing again.

"It's okay, you can go back to sleep," Athrun told her buckling her seat belt. Her eyes would open and close slowly before she fell asleep again. Athrun chuckled softly. _I can see why Nicol said she was cute, _Athrun thought to himself. He closed the door on Amarante's side. The light rain turned into a heavy down pour. Athrun quickly ran to the other side of the car getting in on the drivers side. Athrun watched Amarante sleep in his car. _She looks so peaceful in her sleeping state, _Athrun thought driving down the seemingly empty streets. Amarante stayed asleep for the entire ride. When Amarante slept she slept for long periods of time, unless she was disturbed.

Since there was little to no traffic Athrun arrived at his apartment in no time. There was still a heavy down pour and Athrun didn't want to leave his heated care. _No think of Amarante, she could sick from being in those wet clothes _Athrun thought shaking his head. He reached over ejecting the seatbelt carefully taking it off her body. She twitched slightly falling against the door of the car. Athrun chuckled softly again getting out of the car into the down pour. He shook the rain off of his body before going to Amarante. He opened the door slowly catching her before she fell.

"I wonder how long are you going to sleep?" Athrun asked her taking her out of the car. She yawned when she was in the rain but she never woke up. Athrun looked into the rain before going inside. The apartment was freezing cold causing Athrun to shiver. Amarante woke up with a yawn.

"Where am I?" she asked sleepily.

"At my apartment, you can go back to sleep though," Athrun told her taking her to his bed.

"No, no I'm fine," Amarante said as Athrun laid her down.

"I insist that you rest some, just for an hour," Athrun told her as she tried to sit up.

"I'm fine, Athrun," Amarante said trying harder to sit up.

"Just for an hour, please just rest," Athrun told her forcing her down on the pillows.

"Athy Athrun, I'm fine," Amarante said trying to pull his hands of her shoulders.

"You called me Athy. I feel so honored but you're still going to rest for an hour," Athrun told her. _Athrun is stronger than me, so if I play along I can probably not rest after he leaves the room, _Amarante thought cleverly.

Amarante sighed, "Fine Athrun you win."

"That's good, but I know you're very clever, so I'm going to stay until you fall asleep," Athrun told her with a smirk.

"Athrun!" Amarante yelled furiously. Athrun laughed as he pulled back the blankets helping her into the bed.

"I think it would be good for you to rest now," Athrun said pulling a chair to the bed. Amarante sat in the bed staring at the ceiling.

"I'm not going to fall a sleep," Amarante said crossing her arms stubbornly.

"Yes…you are. I'm just resting….my, my eyes," Athrun said as he quickly fell asleep within 5 minutes.

"I knew you would fall asleep before me," Amarante whispered climbing out of his bed. She helped him into the bed before she left the room. The locket Nicol gave her that was still broken; fell from her body on to the cold hard floor. Amarante's eye twitched but the locket didn't break apart. Amarante picked it up from the ground opening it up. The locket didn't fall apart. Confused, Amarante shook it trying to see it fall apart, it didn't. The locket had been repaired when it fell on the ground again. Amarante smiled happily but the picture was still bent. _I finally understand now Nicol, I'm not scared or frighten anymore. That's because you'll always be fighting with me, _she thought with a giggle.

---

"I'm not staying here," Nicol said.

"Please stay! It's been 5 months since you came here," Aiko said tapping the side of a desk.

"I've healed so I'm going to find my fiancée," Nicol said picking up his flight suit.

"Please don't go! I need you," Aiko said tears brimmed at her eyes.

"What about my fiancée Amarante, don't you think she needs me?" Nicol said placing the suit in a suit case in front of him.

"Why do you have to go? You can end your old life and start anew," Aiko said hugging Nicol. Nicol pushed her away roughly.

"I made a promise, and even if I didn't make that promise I would still go," Nicol said zipping up the suit case on the bed.

"I love you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" She screamed as tears made streams on her face.

"So does my fiancée and I love her. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with Amarante Haruka Takahashi," Nicol said looking out the window.

"What if I look and acts like her?" Aiko asked desperately.

"No but, thank you for taking care of me, you're a good doctor and you should help others," Nicol told her taking his suit case off the bed before he left the room. Aiko fell to the ground screaming and sobbing. She threw items in the room that Nicol could hear hit the walls. _I'm coming for you Pin-chan, just hold on a little more_, Nicol thought leaving Aiko's home going into the bright sunlight. Nicol winced from the lights before his eyes adjusted. Nicol smiled breathing in the fresh air, he saw the taxi that he called the day before in the driveway. Nicol walked to the car placing his luggage in the trunk before sitting in the rear part of the cabin. The driver that was quite talkative chatted with Nicol before they got to the space port. Nicol paid the cab driver before heading to the Z.A.F.T. transport that would take him to Aprilius City.

---

I'm finally done……This took me 4 days to write. Nicol's letter was the hardest thing to write.


End file.
